Food, Humor

Lenny’s Lemonless Nonbiscotti Cake (Or It’s What’s On The Inside That Counts)

lenny's lemonless nonbiscotti cake pinterest fail

I love trying new things. That’s one of the things that makes life interesting, right? One day I was wasting time on the internet like we all do, and I came across those galaxy cakes. And I thought that was just the greatest thing ever. I like cake. I like galaxies. And I love trying new things. Who cares that I don’t make cakes? Or anything even remotely cake-like? I should be able to pull this off.

So I did what any reasonable girl would do. I decided to make this glorious galaxy cake for my boyfriend’s birthday. Nevermind that I’ve been dating him for about 2 years now and I don’t know the exact day of his birthday. (I’m not even joking. He refuses to tell me because he thinks it’s absolutely hilarious that I don’t know. But I know it’s in June thanks to some mutual friends.) And nevermind that it’s always a great idea to do something you’ve never done before on a special occasion, right? 😉

Galaxy Cake Preparations

I found a recipe where a woman had made the cake from scratch and immediately decided I wasn’t even going to attempt that. Nope. But I figured I could get a chocolate cake mix from the store and mix in some black food coloring to make it black. That actually worked. Success!

Using Fondant

Then came the part where I was supposed to put fondant on the cake and then paint the galaxy on. Well, I’m an extremely impatient person. I grew tired waiting for the cake to cool down and I thought it would be a bright idea to roll some fondant out and paint the galaxy on and THEN put it on the cake. Did I mention I’ve never used fondant before in my entire life? Haha. Well, I wish I had taken a picture of the galaxy I painted because it actually looked pretty decent. I know, I know. You don’t believe me. But I swear it’s true. I am a slightly talented artist, after all. I’m just not a cake maker.

Tragedy Strikes!

After the cake cooled down I tried to put the fondant on it but it started breaking apart. 🙁 And at that point, I didn’t have the slightest clue what to do and my boyfriend was already here and hungry for some birthday cake. I was going to just put the icing he had picked out on it and let it be a regular cake and have some dignity. (I mean the cake. I have no dignity.) but he said he wanted to put the poor little pieces of broken fondant on anyway. So we did. After all, it was his birthday.

pinterest fail galaxy cake

The Birth Of A Nonsensical Cake

I have a habit of naming things. Anything I care about at all gets a name. My plants, random things around my house, and even this cake. Since it’s definitely not a galaxy cake we decided to call it Lenny’s Lemonless Nonbiscott Cake. We don’t know anyone named Lenny. I promise I didn’t put any lemons in it. And it isn’t biscotti. A nonsensical name for a nonsensical cake.

It’s What’s On The Inside That Counts

Fortunately, the cake was actually delicious. I can’t take too much credit for that since I didn’t make it from scratch or anything. I just used a store-bought cake. But I was relieved that all the black food coloring didn’t alter the taste even one bit. 🙂

weird chocolate cake

The Slow Death Of Lenny’s Lemonless Nonbiscotti Cake

I wish I had taken a picture but I didn’t think about it. But I swear within a few days the colors on the cake had almost completely faded. The cake was dying ya’ll. 🙁 I feel like Dr. Frankenstein. It continued to fade until my boyfriend ate it all.

Oh well. So what kind of cake should I try next? 🙂 Or I should just stick to things I KNOW I can do like make copycat low carb Little Ceasars Zesty Bread or quick and easy blue cheese pasta?

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